I can understand the reactions of women who want men to fix all of the problems. After all woman aren’t asking to be raped, assaulted or possibly murdered. Most of the stats show women as the victims of such crimes. Although I’m sure there’s more than a few men.

The problem is no one wants that responsibility. Not truly. It’s pretty fricking (feel free to replace that word as you please) tough. It’s because most men and women look at themselves and think “I’m not the problem, so why should I have to do anything?”. So yes, I agree with the author. Yelling at men won’t work. Yelling at women, stating that they are misandrist for simply wanting change, won’t work either.

I was in the “why should I do anything?” camp not so long ago. The more these “yes, all men” articles kept coming up, the more anger I felt. My anger is useless. I’m sorry to tell you so, but the many articles on here implicating men and practically demanding a solution from them are useless. It’s obvious that it won’t strike a cord with the people who feel attacked. After all, it’s not the men who are empathetic towards the female perspective who “need to change”.

True social reform must come from both parties. If we implicate all men, we run the risk of making behaviour, such as unwanted sexual advances, seem like the norm. It’s much better to encourage men to talk to other men about issues such as consent or toxic masculinity. Some males still perpetuate the idea that their female partners shouldn’t be given too much independence (e.g no hanging out with male friends) at the risk of losing them and being seen as a “Beta male”. This leads to more insecurity and controlling behaviour. These are the types misconceptions people should attempt to correct. It doesn’t have to be only men fixing such misconceptions. However, if they can perpetuate it, they can perpetuate the opposite too.

Make it more socially acceptable for men not to always be “hunting”. Normalise being single for fricks sake. Maybe women will have to reject less insecure men and vice versa. Some of you won’t believe it but some men can act truly awful when rejected. They do a full 180. Here’s my perspective as a women. If women were to get angry after being rejected they would easily be labelled “crazy” by both men and women. The same label is not easily applied to men. Especially not by men. Ergo, there’s no crazy cat man.

Normalise being abstinent. I have male friends who sometimes get odd looks when they say they’re waiting till marriage. No one should feel obligated to wait that long, but just maybe that’ll ease the pressure to assign value to your “body count”. Some “feminists” complain about the aggressive flirting style of men and how they wish their crushes were less submissive in the same sentence. If that previous sentence made you angry, you likely have a bias. That’s ok. Something you should think about though. If you like a guy, ask him out. Make the first move. If someone who has a crush on you believes that you’ll make a move if you like them, wouldn’t they get the hint much earlier on? Whilst some people still won’t get the hint, I believe most won’t pressure you into an uncomfortable rejection.

Obviously, if you have a romantic partner, open communication should be encouraged as much as possible. From the kitchen to the bedroom. Additionally, many of us have built in radars for picking up on problematic behaviour. If your friends make a comment about rape or abuse that you find disturbing, ask them about it. Don’t shrug it off as a one time thing. They may brush you off but at least try. We’re all afraid to get into uncomfortable discussions with loved ones but it’s something we need to do if we truly want change. There is no compulsory consent seminar in the world that will change the perspectives of problematic, confused or insecure men and women. Discussions about consent, where people are free from judgement, just might. True societal change starts from the bottom up. Not by assigning responsibility to one half of society.